But, for many Mothers I know, this holiday comes as a big black cloud. It reminds us that our children have died. It reminds us that the only people that know we are mothers, are those who were there and who love us and have sat through the pain and the tears while we healed ourselves. We celebrate by visiting our child(s) grave sights and looking to the sky. As grateful as we all are to have had the moments and time we did.. our memories were stopped far to short. Our houses are filled with the sounds of quiet grief. Love has no boundaries and the longing that a mother feels to mother her child is an unexplainable need... a pain... of something wrong... something missing. A day to remember all that has been taken away.
The same goes to those who have lost their Mother. I've been met with the opportunity to sit on both sides of this fence. My Mother didn't pass away, but my Husbands did... on Mothers Day. Last year. Debbie was a Mother to me too, and there isn't a day that goes by that we don't speak her name or say something that relates to her- "Debbie would have..." "Mom always did..." "She would have loved..."
For my Husband, Mothers Day will never be the same. Not only is it a day he has to now celebrate without his Mother and his babies, but it is the Anniversary of her death. Can you imagine? Please lock me in a room and let me know when this 24 hour period of flowers and bows and brunches has passed!
Grieving on both sides. What a great holiday. I don't mean to be cynical, but damn. No babies, and a missing mother. This equation sucks!
Mind you, I am BLESSED. I carry a beautiful, healthy child inside that I am so anxious to welcome into our world. I'm only two weeks (or less, or more?!) away from feeling her breath on my skin, from hearing her strong heartbeat, her soft warm skin.. two weeks away from being a 'public' Mother. The trials and tribulations we have experienced will only help us to cherish each moment with her, and to be blessed for each wonderful day we have. She will never have to wonder about my love for her. I can't wait to be her Mother!!!
So, my emotions today run high. Really high. I am happy - I am filled with love for my children, unborn and in heaven- I am so happy to be their Mother... because they are perfect, and a Mothers love is undying and has no boundaries. I grieve for a missing Mother... and her children (my family) that were left behind without hearing her voice and feeling her love everyday. I grieve. Oh what a day.
Love your Mother. Hug her, tell her how much you love her. Talk to her. Because one day, one of you will be gone and it will be too late. Celebrate your Mom today, doesn't she deserve it!? Life is too short, and these Holidays may seem petty, but they are here to remind us of our blessings and to not take for granted what is right in front of our faces...
Happy Mothers Day to every Mother, Grandmother, Aunt, Sister and Friend. We are all Mothers in one way or another!
Live-Laugh-Love
No matter how hard it is sometimes.
-J
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