Anxious much!?

Today, I am 38 weeks, 6 days pregnant. I have an official 8 days until I am "due." However, you may have noticed by previous facebook postings, and general conversation that I have been ready- like READY- for a few weeks. Once I hit that safe zone of 36 weeks, I have been anxiously awaiting our arrival. Yes, I know every parent is anxious and ready about this time... however... unlike first time mothers, or those who are experienced in the parenting and laboring, I have had only one outcome with giving birth. I need to know that the kicking baby in my belly is going to be born kicking and screaming - and continue to do so when we first meet... and 5 minutes later... and 5 days later...and so on.

I have been selfish lately- wanting Bailey to come early. Walking miles trying to help gravity do its thing... eating spicy foods, etc... the usual wives tales of how to induce labor. People comment all the time- snide remarks like "just be patient- she will come when she is ready". Or "you are too early- 40 weeks is best for a healthy baby!" Well, no kidding! But, today, I can feel her alive. Today I can hear her heartbeat. At this moment, I know she could be mine, not heavens. What if next week God changes his plans? I know I shouldn't question my faith in Him, but really, how can I not? I know He will guide us, and has a plan for us... its all great and mighty... but I just want to be selfish for a moment, and I want my baby now!

Sometimes I will get busy doing things around the house, cooking dinner, laundry, etc. I all the sudden I think "I haven't felt Bailey move in.... oh shit... " and I have a little panic attack and have to sit down, motionless, and poke at my belly until she gives me a swift kick to let me know I am irritating her... and then I can go on with my day. But in those few seconds, or minutes... it crosses my mind - it happened again.

So, I am trying to be patient. I am trying to give Bailey the time she needs, but I am just a ball of nerves, and until I can hear that first one-of-a-kind blood curdling scream that newborns who have just entered the world give, I will be a HUGE ball of nerves and will be doing my part to help out Mother Nature to assure she gets here soon!!!

Breathing deeply-

Jina