What a whirlwind of a few years, huh!? I am so ready to just wipe the slate clean, shake it off and start over. Grab my hubby and get elbow deep in camping, remodeling, and just living. I can't help but think there should be better days on the horizon, but I don't want to get my hopes up! The last few times we did that we just got beat down harder :)
It's time to be optomistic about life and to know there is a reason I am, we are, still here. This Memorial Day weekend will be a great time to reflect on our struggles and losses, and an even better time to look up to the Heavens, give a hello and a wink and get on with life. Memorial Day weekend always seems to have that cleansing effect just before the kick off of summer. Long hard winters inside can really put you in a rut with life in general. Things slow down, or stop. I am so ready to speed it back up again. BBQs, fires, camping, swimming, boating (or floating, depending on how the boat runs!) paint walls, plant herbs (even though they will die- I kill all plants, silk ones too), cook lots of food and feed people, throw a party, buy that property, GO TO VEGAS!!!! Be with friends, family and have fun!
I have been waiting for this milestone weekend for about 10 months now. Maybe I have been holding it in my head as an excuse to finally let go of what has been pushing me down, but whatever the excuse I'm going full force! I am ready to go go go and I can't wait! Maybe even post some 'happy' blogs from now on. Just live life to its fullest and love lots along the way- I can't think of any reason why not. Life is short. Damn short, so you might as well try to live up to a legacy of love and friendship along the way because you can't take your paychecks with you when you go. We all look for a reason why we are here and others are not, but lets quit focusing on that and relish the fact that we are here so live it up and look up now and then to give a 'thanks' to those that have gone before us and taught us a great lesson!
Love you all, hope you have a fantastic holiday weekend and an even better summer!
Friday, May 22, 2009
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Rest In Peace, Debbie
It's odd how things happen, how you get those feelings...those instinctual reactions. Debbie passed away on Sunday, Mothers day. Thank you for all your prayers, thoughts and beautiful words. We are doing okay at this point, just trying to adjust. Spending a lot of time reminiscing, and preparing a memorial and celebration. Here is Debs obit:
Deborah Copstead, 55
Deborah Ann Copstead passed away peacefully at home surrounded by her family on Sunday, May 10, 2009. Poetically, the mother of all mothers accepted her eternal gift and went to be with The Lord on Mother’s Day.
Debbie was born March 25, 1954, in Coeur d’Alene, Idaho to Ray and Margery Capaul. As the first born of six, Debbie always knew how to rest the weary and keep an open heart and mind. Debbie moved to Seaside, Oregon, in 1976, where she met the love of her life, Chris. They resided on the coast for a short time with their four oldest children before moving back to North Idaho in 1981, planting their roots and growing their family yet again with the birth of their youngest son. For 30 years, Chris and Debbie lived side by side and left a legacy of marriage and love that will be held in high regard by their family and friends for years to come.
Debbie was a kind spirit with a soft heart that touched many, many lives. Her battle with ALS was short, but not from a lack of fighting. Her courage and character stayed intact through it all and was stronger than ever before. Her family and friends will remember her witty charm and bright smile, and will always hear her recite her favorite proverb, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, on your own intelligence rely not. In all your ways be mindful of Him and He will make straight your paths.” (Proverbs 3:5-6)
Debbie is survived by her husband, Christopher; children Brent (Laura), Dain, Garad, Adrienne and Mitchell (Jina); grandchildren Sydney, Kristian and Preston; father Ray Capaul (Betty); mother Margery Capaul; brothers Robert (Eleanora) and Kenneth (Toni); sisters Diana (Joe Scott) Guild, Kathleen Capaul and Dorothy (Mark) Ladewig; numerous aunts, uncles, nephews, nieces, cousins and friends. Grandchildren Aiden and Wyatt precede Debbie in death.
A memorial service will be held at 1pm on Friday, May 15, 2009 at St. Thomas Catholic Church with a lunch to follow at St. Thomas Center. In lieu of flowers, please make your donations to ALSSO, MDA or Hospice of North Idaho. English Funeral Services is in care of arrangements.
Friday, May 8, 2009
I love you Debs
God doesn't give you anything you cannot handle, but He sure does ask a lot sometimes!
For the last week or two, I have been thinking to myself 'how do you get to the point of giving up' and last night I saw my answer in Debbies eyes. Debbie has been fighting (hard!) against her disease for the last three years, and the last few weeks she has been fighting even harder just to be comfortable enough to sleep, actually just to sit. We have done everything we can to make her comfortable, but there isn't anything we can do. She is basically paralyzed from ALS-she can move but its very small movements and usually needs our assistance to do so. This last week the ALS has started to affect her breathing, making sleeping that much more uncomfortable and scary.
I couldn't imagine the feeling that she is going through. She is of complete and sane mind, just like us, yet it takes all her energy to hand write a note of three words trying to communicate what she needs or wants. I'm sure she is just screaming in her head and is so overly frustrated. Her body has lost lost the battle with ALS, and Debs is starting to let it take the rest of her.
Last night she asked if she could have some morphine so she could sleep. We didn't have any last night so she had to take her normal dose of anti-anxiety meds that I feel make her even more uncomfortable, but lethargic enough that she doesn't care. Last night after our usual battle of trying to arrange arms and legs so she can get to sleep, she woke up around 5 am she awoke gasping for air. She had slept for a solid three hours (which is great at this point) but had rested her body enough that she wasn't able to take full breaths. She was paniked obviously (and so was I!) but I made sure she try to stay calm as stress just makes breathing that much more difficult. Once she was able to gain her breath back, she sat up and looked me dead in the eye-something she hasn't been doing lately. What I saw I cannot express, but I do know she is ready to be in a better place where she can rest and be at peace. Debs has lost her will to fight and I don't blame her one bit. Hospice came in this morning and gave her the morphine, as she requested. I haven't heard yet how she has reacted to it, but I hope it can give her some sort of comfort.
I hate to be the one that says she's giving up, but I just have that feeling, and I have seen the pain in her eyes. I can no longer be selfish and try to keep her here, this battle is not for me to fight anymore. Debs needs to fight for what she wants, and knowing the saint that she is, I think what she wants, at this point, is to be with our Lord and have peace in her heart again. I can't say when this time will come, but I am starting to prepare myself. Mothers Day will be bittersweet to say the least.
Just so you are aware, she has been requesting no visitors. Those that do stop by, shouldn't stay longer than about 30 minutes- visiting is easy for you and me, but it really knocks her out. However, sending cards and emails of hope and love are great. Her email is debbiecopstead@mydvox.com (no jokes or fwds) Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers. My love to you all ♥ Jina
For the last week or two, I have been thinking to myself 'how do you get to the point of giving up' and last night I saw my answer in Debbies eyes. Debbie has been fighting (hard!) against her disease for the last three years, and the last few weeks she has been fighting even harder just to be comfortable enough to sleep, actually just to sit. We have done everything we can to make her comfortable, but there isn't anything we can do. She is basically paralyzed from ALS-she can move but its very small movements and usually needs our assistance to do so. This last week the ALS has started to affect her breathing, making sleeping that much more uncomfortable and scary.
I couldn't imagine the feeling that she is going through. She is of complete and sane mind, just like us, yet it takes all her energy to hand write a note of three words trying to communicate what she needs or wants. I'm sure she is just screaming in her head and is so overly frustrated. Her body has lost lost the battle with ALS, and Debs is starting to let it take the rest of her.
Last night she asked if she could have some morphine so she could sleep. We didn't have any last night so she had to take her normal dose of anti-anxiety meds that I feel make her even more uncomfortable, but lethargic enough that she doesn't care. Last night after our usual battle of trying to arrange arms and legs so she can get to sleep, she woke up around 5 am she awoke gasping for air. She had slept for a solid three hours (which is great at this point) but had rested her body enough that she wasn't able to take full breaths. She was paniked obviously (and so was I!) but I made sure she try to stay calm as stress just makes breathing that much more difficult. Once she was able to gain her breath back, she sat up and looked me dead in the eye-something she hasn't been doing lately. What I saw I cannot express, but I do know she is ready to be in a better place where she can rest and be at peace. Debs has lost her will to fight and I don't blame her one bit. Hospice came in this morning and gave her the morphine, as she requested. I haven't heard yet how she has reacted to it, but I hope it can give her some sort of comfort.
I hate to be the one that says she's giving up, but I just have that feeling, and I have seen the pain in her eyes. I can no longer be selfish and try to keep her here, this battle is not for me to fight anymore. Debs needs to fight for what she wants, and knowing the saint that she is, I think what she wants, at this point, is to be with our Lord and have peace in her heart again. I can't say when this time will come, but I am starting to prepare myself. Mothers Day will be bittersweet to say the least.
Just so you are aware, she has been requesting no visitors. Those that do stop by, shouldn't stay longer than about 30 minutes- visiting is easy for you and me, but it really knocks her out. However, sending cards and emails of hope and love are great. Her email is debbiecopstead@mydvox.com (no jokes or fwds) Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers. My love to you all ♥ Jina
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