To start things off...

So, I have to start this of by taking a moment and reminisce…give a quick background. Who knows where this will go!

I have been blessed in my life to have an amazing group of friends that I now consider my family. A handful or two of them have been around since the “good ol’ days” and even beyond (Ashley, Phaedra…) I still can’t believe how tight-knit the group of friends I have is. Thru thick and thin, we have all been there for each other, and we seem to keep weaving closer and closer together.

Ashley and I go back to 5th grade doing flips of the swing set, passing notes to our “boyfriends” and learning the drama of being a girl. We have grown apart over the years, and then back together, and apart and together… I guess just as much as anyone does with their childhood friends. I adore her, and we have so much fun together when we are able to. Ashley and I ended up living together with Jessie Capaul (married to Justin – Mitchell best friend/cousin among other things J) and we all became the best of friends. Through this experience we all became entangled with our boyfriends (ex-boyfriends and husbands now!) and their careers and hobbies as firefighters. This family is beyond amazing. Truly a brotherhood and something I could not imagine my life without. Few of my high school friends and many of my closest friends now are involved with the fire department and it gives the word friendship an extra dimension, a dimension so deep and so cherished. It actually makes me well up just typing about it. From Mitchell and Justin following their long family line and my never-ending crush on the DJ boys at Spotlight, to Kris Schmitt – a youth group friend whose home we would crash and raid his liquor cabinet every weekend, Jason Scott- the least likely candidate to ever be my best bud, Jamey Hull and Adam Knight- two guys I never thought I would imagine saying are some of my most cherished friends…and family. Along with these boys, their wives and girlfriends and many, many others that I am sorry I haven’t mentioned, make up my life and my joy.

I wish I had more time to spend with all my amazing family and friends, but life lately has just not been easy. Just when Mitchell and I thought we had it all, it all has been taken from us. Mitchell’s mom, Debbie, was diagnosed with ALS in the spring of 2006. ALS (also called Lou Gehrig’s Disease) is basically a life sentence with a 5-year best case scenario. This woman is as close to a Saint as you can get, and I love her dearly. These days, she fights just to sit upright or get a few hours sleep. Its heart wrenching to watch her slowing fading from us, but luckily we have had the blessing of spending lots and lots of quality time with her while she is with us. Along with Debbie’s Diagnosis came Mitchell father, Chris’s diagnosis of Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia six months later. Chris was lucky enough to get treatment, and the leukemia is in remission. Then, just months after we were married, my parents announced they were getting a divorce after 25 years of marriage. WHAT! Seriously. I still can’t believe it. I hate it. I hate that my kids will have Grandmas house, and Grandpas house. I was so proud that my parents and stuck through it and persevered when I watched countless friends and family members give up so easily. Then came the multiple cancer diagnosis including our best friend Justin’s testicular cancer(mind you he is only 26 years old) throughout the family along with multiple other conditions. It seemed we were all fighting an uphill battle. Then, we got pregnant. What excitement! Everyone was so overjoyed to have something uplifting, something great to happen instead of all the downers we had been going through, especially when we found out it was twin boys! We were ecstatic to say the least. The pregnancy was perfect, right out of a book, until it wasn’t. August 24th 2008, I started cramping and feeling tremendous pressure and two days later gave birth three months too early to our Angels, Aiden and Wyatt. At 22 ½ weeks, they were 1 week shy of being able to sustain life and accept life saving measures.

Devastated.

These were the children I envisioned spending my every day with, cooking meals for, taxing around town, watching baseball and football games, weddings, grandkids….

I am just now able to start seeing the forest for the trees. As much as I hate they were taken from us, it is starting to show a blessing in disguise. I have found a new passion and a reason to keep going. That passion stems from our experience at two different hospitals and one person in particular. Our nurse, Heather Roberts, at Sacred Heart who helped us find closure and tell us what we needed to hear in the weakest and more raw hours of our lives. I have changed my major from accounting/business to nursing. I just have this urge inside me to help other families going through similar experiences with their pregnancies and children. I can seem to read enough or be involved enough on the subject of infant death, preterm labor and the like. I am just a sponge trying to retain anything and everything I can. Hopefully one day, I can make a difference for a family who never knew they needed me.

Sometimes, I also think my Angles are up in Heaven waiting for their Grandma Debbie. They will be there to keep her company and her heart warm. I know there are few things consoling Debbie’s mind, but I know seeing our Boys in Heaven gives her peace.

Mitchell and I sold our house in February of 2009 and we are now living with his parents in his childhood home. His father, Chris, doesn’t want to live there without Debbie which I find completely understandable. So, we are spending literally all our time at home with Debbie during these last few months or years we have with her. Once the inevitable happens, we will graciously make their home our own, and with any luck, raise our unborn children and make thousands of new, happy memories.